I have this weird feeling. I don’t really know the word for it… maybe… disenchanted? No. More like a mixture of sadness, hoplessness, and comfort, if that makes any sense. Almost like… melancholy. The kind of feeling where you want to listen to classical female vocalists and sit and just look inside yourself.
Except I feel this strange comfort, just a settling calm like I know I’m here and can’t be moved, or something like that. I just want to sit and breathe for the sake of breathing. Because it lets me know that I’m alive, lets me know that the world is real, and so am I. The past few days I’ve felt so many emotions, and I keep wondering if they’re even real. But I look in the mirror, I see myself, I feel the air filling my lungs, and I know I’m real. And I’ll always have that. Even when I don’t know what I’m thinking or feeling. Or what I’m supposed to be thinking or feeling.
I made a wishlist today to put on my site. But they’re all material possesions. What I really wish for is peace. A renewed love of life. Love for myself. More time to spend with my loved ones. More time to know myself.
Lindsey @ 8:12PM
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