You know how you come to a point where you can’t go back? Well, I am at one of those points. Actually, it has already passed and left me behind. I broke up with Randy, and even though there weren’t any feelings left, I was with him for TWO AND A HALF YEARS. And it hurts more than anything. Somewhere deep inside… and I can’t believe how hard it is. Now I’m alone. And it hurts. It hurts so bad. I hate how calm and normal I can be in the daytime and then cry my heart out at night, when it’s just me and I have nowhere or nobody else to run to. We have been through so much, and it’s almost impossible to just… throw all that away. But I can’t go back. I know it. I know it’s for good this time… and that’s what hurts. All I can do now is face forward, and hope things will get better, because they always do. I know God will help me through it. That’s another thing that’s worrying me. I’ve been reading the book “The Prayer of Jabez,” and it’s really good, and I’ve been praying the prayer, but it’s not working. It’s like the connection between me and God has been closed off somehow. I know God doesn’t do that, so it must be me, but I just don’t know what it is. I’ve prayed for forgiveness of my sins, and I’ve prayed to recieve God’s blessing, but I just don’t feel it. And Satan is not attacking me. That’s a bad sign. Or maybe he is and I’ve just forgotten how to recognize it. I don’t know. But anyway, so now I am automatically thrust back into the fields of lonely souls, millions of people searching for that single one, the one that is their perfect soul mate. But I think I am not going to look right now. The truth is, I have noticed someone, but I don’t want to be involved at all right now. (Is that stupid? To not want to like someone but you just… do?) So why do I still act like a nervous idiot around him? It’s crazy. I KNOW this is just a rebound crush. Must stop. But I can’t help looking at him and wondering if he feels the same way? Even just a little bit? I have always wondered that, about every guy that I’ve ever liked. Whether they liked me back or not. Now that I pretty much know the signs, I can look back and think, “Wow. He did like me. Heehee, me and my irresistable charm.” RIGHT. Anyway. But in the present, I have no clue at all. But… I have an idea. And that’s enough. For now.
Lindsey @ 10:43PM

Hi everyone!! Sorry about not writing!! I am now all settled into NSU and in RA training (Well, not at this moment, obviously). Don’t have a computer as of now, I’m using the office one, but by Monday I should have it all set up. My scrollbar doesn’t show up on this browser, even though it’s IE. Must be an old one. Well, the good thing is that’s the only thing that doesn’t work. Alrighty, I’ll try to update later. Bye!
Lindsey @ 4:23PM

Hey, how’s it going? Not a whole lot’s happened the last couple of days, except I had a garage sale today. Little scared cause this is my last night at home, tomorrow’s my first day in my new room as an RA for my sophomore year of college. Don’t think I’m a baby for being scared either. I’m going to be in charge of 24+ girls that are older than me. I would be a baby if I ran screaming for the hills. But instead, facing future head on. Rawr. Right, okay.
This layout is really starting to bug me. Ick. Dang, am I never satisfied? Oh, well, I have to live with it!! HA. And update where it counts. Yeah. During school, I might get to update more than I thought cause I’m getting a compy for college!!! YEAH!!! Okay, very excited. Extremely happy. Thank you, God!!!
Alrighty, going. If you like Mario Bros., the original, then go to this site. It’s great. Oh, also, Dayna, who seems more layout fickle than even I, has yet another one. I love the colors. Great job, Dayna!! *thumbs up*
Lindsey @ 10:53PM

Hay, whazzup? I just found a really great site of a girl who is a lot like me. Sweet-essence.net is her site. I added her to the blog mania list even though I like her whole page, not just her blog. Oh-well. Yeah. Okay. Going. Ba da ba ba ba ching ching.
Lindsey @ 12:45AM

Hi everyone!! I’m having a lot of technical problems with this layout, like I couldn’t put my welcome message up, but that’s okay, cause my other sites really aren’t ready anyway. I’m working really hard on the Roswell one, though. I need to start stars/earth. Anyway, yesterday was a very weird day. I keep getting this feeling that I’m getting signs, and I need to pay attention to what they’re saying. Lots of weird little things happening. I also broke up with Randy. I just feel… very non-committal right now. I just want to focus on me and maturing for a while. So…. more news…
I just got the Nelly Furtado CD. I love it!!! I love her voice. Yesterday I watched The Sound of Music. It always makes me feel so wholesome, and I think it’s actually made me closer to God. I just hate how evil the world is. My junk mail box is a big sign that the world is sinking fast. Some of the subject lines are so nasty they make me nauseous just to read them. I guess that’s why I chose this pic for this layout. It just seems… pure. I just thank God I still have Him. Sometimes I think about all the hurting and evil in the world, and I can’t help but cry. Is that normal? I think I’m going crazy. I think maybe I feel this way stronger now because of Carmike’s robbery. I could have been there, I almost stayed, but something in me just said I needed to go home. Thank you, God.
Aack! Sorry I’m so depressing. I’m really happy now, though. Jammin to Nelly and makin web pages… ^-^
I’m like a bird… heehee. I’m out.
Lindsey @ 11:40PM

Yay!! Happy Anniversary to me!!! This site has been up for one whole year!! Aww. Anyway, new layout {obviously}. My server’s being poopy but I thought I’d try it anyway. Oh, by the way, to the 2 1/2 people that read this, you didn’t get to see July 31st cause of my server. But you really didn’t miss much. You can go back and read it if you WANT to, though. Go to the July archives. Hahah. Okay, bye.
Lindsey @ 3:10PM