Category: letomoon.lindsey.net

Hello again all. I just got done looking at my senior yearbook and I’m so nostalgic. I miss everybody and all our little inside jokes. I miss eating lunch with Betha, Annie, and Marisa in the cafeteria, I miss making fun of Andy with Kiki, I miss going home at the end of the day just a little bit happier, I miss drawing with Amanda at lunch, and yes, I even miss practicing for football games on the soaking marching field in the rain. It seems the more time that goes by, the more I realize that high school was really fun. I mean I look forward to every day with hope because life gets better all the time, but I do miss seeing everybody everyday. ^-^
Well, life has been pretty uneventful lately. So that’s why there’s not much posting going on. But I move back in to school on the 8th, and I start my RA training (!!) so life should get pretty hectic then. But I will be sure and try to make it to the computer labs to update… (It sux not having a compy for school.) Eek, that means I need to finish my Roswell site pretty quick.
Oh, car situations changed. My next door neighbor is selling a car and I think this one is a keeper, since my mom suggested it to me. It’s kind of old, but at least it goes over 45 mph (aww, my poor little exhausted Geo just can’t cut it anymore). Bye!
Lindsey @ 1:17AM

I’m tired of writing and doing things for everyone else but myself. Why should I have to prove to anyone that I can think like an adult? I know I do, and that should be enough. I wish….
I wish I didn’t care what other people thought of me. I wish it were like getting stressed. If I want to be calm, I just stop stressing out. I wish it were that easy with trying to always please everyone, I wish I could just… stop. I wish that I didn’t care if I hurt someone’s feelings, or made a bad impression. I’m me. ME. So you can accept me at face value because I’m not going to change to be what you want me to be, and I’m not going to act like you thought I would just to please you. I’m not going to sort around my personality just so you’ll like me, I’m not going to hold my tongue because I’m afraid I’ll say something that will turn you away from me. I’m responsible, confident, a leader, I’m blunt, I love God, I love me, I love my life. And I will not change/alter/distort any of these things because it would be easier on YOU!!
If only it were that easy to feel this way 100% of the time.
Lindsey @ 2:26AM

Well, we went to the sidewalk sale yesterday at the mall, but I didn’t get my hair cut. Maybe I’ll go to Planet Studio for that. Here’s what I got:
Bath and Body Works – lipstick, eyeliner, and foundation
Claire’s – silver hoop earrings, cherry hair chopsticks
Buckle – purple polo shirt, white snap shirt, purple metallic shirt
Gap – flowy green shirt
Vanity – very nice LEI khakis
Everything fit and looked great! A very good shopping day. Well, I better get in the shower and tackle my to-do list before work. Oy, it’s gonna be busy.
Lindsey @ 3:17PM

Everyone says I look really nice today. Must be the lipstick. Eric made me some meditation beads for just absentmindedly playing with to ease stress. They’re really pretty but they already broke and he has to fix them. I’m staying for the late show {12:00} for Jurassic Park. I saw all these people I know tonight, like Andy H. and Katie B. and Lori S. and Clint B. Clint looks so different!!! It’s amazing. Of course it has been about 4 years since I’ve seen him.
Lindsey @ 11:37PM

Hello, I’m at work, and I’m feeling kinda down about myself. A lot of popular girls from middle school showed up, looking as rich as ever, and I’m just feeling very poor and ugly. I’ve determined what makes you look rich just by watching people:
1) a deep tan {this one is the most difficult for me}
2) well-dressed {I can do that…}
3) clean {I’m already that}
4) well-trimmed hair {I need to get a haircut… hmm, maybe today}
5) silver hoop earrings, or other silver earrings
6) a manicure {yay! my specialty}
Okay, tonight I’ll go shopping, get a haircut and give myself a manicure… ^-^
Lindsey @ 3:30PM

I’ve been thinking lately about how shoddy my web page is. I think I’m going to add a survey. And change the layout… maybe keep the pic, but give it a more techno look. Must really try pic combining. I’ll have to figure out the newer PSP. Ugh, so bored. Can’t believe it’s only 3:20. I want to go home. And my Game Boy’s batteries have gone patooey. I was stuck anyway. Debra Triplett, the regional boss, showed up. I always get so nervous when she’s here. But she’s gone now, it’s okay.
Lindsey @ 3:20PM

On the way to work, it was wonderful, jamming to Moulin Rouge. My speakers are great. My car sounds a lot more expensive than it is. And the bass is pretty good, too. Anyway, here I am sitting in the box at work. It was a pretty nice morning, except I think I need a haircut… or I should do something with it.
Lindsey @ 11:46AM

Oh, my goooooooddddneess… It has been EXTREMELY busy. Very hectic, running around. I think I’m starting to get a stress headache. Or maybe it’s because I’m squinting. I dunno. Well, I wanted to come see Jurassic Park 3 tonight but it’s way too busy. I guess we could see Legally Blonde… No, I need to do housework, and besides I haven’t even watched Save the Last Dance, which I rented a long time ago.
Lindsey @ 3:00PM

Riding in the car on the way to Vicki’s to get my ear checked. She’ll probably want to give me a shot. She’s like that. No, she’s a good doctor. Ugh, didn’t get anything done today I wanted to. Must do laundry when I get back. Installing CD-player tonight!!
Lindsey @ 3:10PM

Back from Vicki’s. I did get a shot but it wasn’t bad. She telling me how she had to do checkups at a troublesome-girl place at Camp Gruber. I think it was her way of telling me she was proud of me.
Lindsey @ 4:51PM

I just had a great idea for a layout. A picture of a window (store-window or car, preferably car for the nice sheen) reflecting the setting sun. I’d call it “Reflections of a Forgotten Past” and talk about how we are all made up of our past, even if we try to forget it. I’m brilliant. Well, car CD-player is installed and working!! (Thanks to Randy) All the speakers miraculously worked. I even thanked God, out loud. I believe he wants me to have a little happiness, even if it’s something as mundane as my car speakers working.
Lindsey @ 8:34PM

Something weird is happening. I was sitting at computer and felt really strange: dizzy, hot temples, weak. I hope it’s not the Ultram, these pain pills Vicki gave me. Wow… seeing spots now. Better go.
Lindsey @ 1:11AM

I’m at work, 11.15 to 5, and already very bored. Theo didn’t show up, so that means I have to do double the work. Ugh. At least I brought my Game Boy! ^-^ Bought the Zelda game yesterday. And a car CD player. Yesterday afternoon was spent with Randy in front of my house taking the old one out. Tonight we’re going to clean my car out!!! *mock excitement*
Lindsey @ 12:15PM

Just now a very government-agent looking man who seems very nice, spilled popcorn and drink all over the hallway. Dang Theo. If he had been here, I wouldn’t have had to clean it up. Helpless when it comes to cleaning things properly, I grabbed two handfuls of the really thick paper towels and laid them neatly over the spot (after sweeping up all the popcorn and ice, of course) and gently stepped on them. A woman waiting for her little girl to come out of the bathroom must have thought I was crazy. Stepping on the now-brown paper towels, I felt like an incompetent child, and realized I will never have good domestic skills.
Lindsey @ 1:28PM

Am writing too much. I know. Can’t help it. I just saw the strangest thing. Two women came to the theater, each with a daughter. One woman was tall and dark-headed, the other was short and blonde. Their daughters looked JUST LIKE THEM!! Like little carbon-copies. It was like looking at a flashback.
Mmm… A skinny woman bought a Snickers and flung a craving on me.
Lindsey @ 2:25PM

Well, Theo’s absence is now explained. He has a relative close to death in San Antonio and his family is going to see him. Now I feel bad for danging him. Must remember to tell Dale he won’t be back until Sunday. I just went to Shawnee restaurant for Dale, and a man drinking coffee there had drawn a beautiful scene on a napkin, trees in a forest. I wish I could do things like that. But you know me: jack-of-all-trades, master of none. So sad. Well, this is getting ridiculous, writing every little thing of interest down. But it’s so nice to get my thoughts down on paper {or Internet in the blog’s case}. It’s also because Eric’s gone to church camp and I have no one to tell my mundane thoughts to. Geez, I’m such a wimp. What did I do before Eric? I can’t believe I held all these thoughts in. Now I know why Stephanie Bellah would fill notebooks. It’s very calming, to just write down my train of thought. Otherwise my thoughts just bounce around inside my head, causing chaos and stress. Now I’m like a stream, finally getting down to becoming more like my element. Peace is getting easier to achieve and it’s lovely. 🙂
Lindsey @ 3:08PM

At this rate, I’m going to fill up my diary by the end of the week. I better get some notebooks. I’m in the parking lot of Economy, waiting for Randy to get off work. There’s a long line in the drive-thru though, and the techs do all the work. Driving on the west side of Muskogee at 5PM is like being in all that slow-moving work traffic like in the movies. Very slow, very painful. And why do people feel that they have to jam themselves in as close as possible? I refuse, which causes a big gap in front of me, but half an inch behind me as if that person is trying to compensate for my lack of impatience. Really, I’m never in any kind of hurry to get anywhere, but if I don’t watch out I get that driving-induced rage which I think comes from deisel fumes in the hot sun.
Lindsey @ 5:17PM

I have a lot of things to say today, and I’m going to change moods very quickly. Brace yourself.
First of all, I’d like to put in what I wrote, mentioned in the previous blog. But before I do that, I’d like you to read the passage from Memoirs of a Geisha that inspired me to write it:

“I’d been looking only for a sign about the Chairman, and hadn’t noticed. From this experience I understood the danger of focusing only on what *isn’t* there. What if I came to the end of my life and realized that I’d spent every day watching for a man who would never come to me? What an unbearable sorrow it would be, to realize I’d never really tasted the things I’d eaten, or seen the places I’d been, because I’d thought of nothing but the Chairman even while my life was drifting away from me. And yet if I drew my thoughts back from him, what life would I have? I would be like a dancer who had practiced since childhood for a performance she would never give.”

And this is what I wrote, I called it “The Moth and The Butterfly”:

The moth spends its time looking for the light, reaching and yearning for it. But it’s short life is hopeless, for it will never find the light it’s seeking.
On the other hand, the butterfly, as a caterpillar, looks inside itself, and when adversity is over, finds that the most beautiful light of all is reflected in its glorious wings.

And here’s the little poem I wrote with it:

How the sands seem still
Passing through the light of day
Darkness brings the moon above
Shadows define the light.

It’s just a little bit. A little piece of me, trying to put my feelings into words. Now, on to the next mood: anger. Yes, I am mad. Steaming. And it doesn’t make it any better that my ear infection is STILL here, despite the many types of antibiotics being ingested into my body. I really can’t say exactly why I’m mad right now, but it leads to me wanting a different domain name, so I’ve been trying to think of one. The best I can think of is rinji because that’s what my Betha calls me, it means special, and it sounds like my name {Lindsey=Rinji}. Anyway, my other choice isn’t really a choice yet, it’s an inkling. I wanted something that sums up what I’ve been feeling lately, so I looked up fate and destiny, and the root word is ummei. So, thanks to Eric’s suggestion, I was thinking about combining that with another Japanese word?? I dunno. If you have any suggestions, please e-mail me. As if anybody reads this but me.
Alright, the next topic is my car situation. As you may or may not have read earlier {see above comment}, I test drove a Camaro. That, however, didn’t really work out seeing as I don’t have 7 thousand dollars. And my dad has been really nice lately. The most recent thing he did was give my car new tires, new brakes, and HE FILLED UP THE GAS TANK. This is the nicest thing he’s ever done for me. So I’m thinking about keeping my little Geo Crappo. Just clean it up a bit, and install a radio, and it will be good for at least until I graduate college {read: three years away}.
Okay, that’s about it… I’m all talked out… so if you are some person I don’t know extremely well {besides myself} and you’re actually reading this, I’m sorry I don’t have anymore to say. I’m actually feeling a bit down about myself, so if you do read this, e-mail me or something. I’d REALLY like it. Okey, bye.
Lindsey @ 12:07AM

Wow, has it really been that long? Time is flying by this week. Do you like the new layout? Anyway, I just went through something kind of nice, the kind of feeling you need when you start to feel like life is slipping out of your control. I typed it all out to my friend Eric on offline im’s, so here it is as I presented to him:

well, I have just finished reading Memoirs of a Geisha for the second time. and it is even more beautiful than I remember it.
in the book, Sayuri’s life is a defenite path, destined by fate up to the very end, and it wasn’t revealed to her until then.
my life has never really felt like i was on any kind of path, and that I was stumbling along blindly. But when the picture gets less complicated, I see a clear truth…. one that’s so personal I don’t know if i should tell even you, that makes me realize how connected everything is, and how things will eventually work out.
today at work I was reading a passage in the book that was so close to what I’ve been feeling lately, I had to stop reading, because it would have made me cry… but then I wrote something, and even a little poem to go with it, and I want to show them to you tomorrow.
life is so beautiful sometimes that I can’t even put it into a thought, a feeling, or an expression… and the human language being so feeble when trying to show emotions (or maybe just in my hands) I wouldn’t even be able to begin explaining it to you…
but it catches me so that I can’t even breathe, and can’t even cry. it’s like my heart stops beating in order to capture the moment, but it leaves anyway. but I can always feel it.
comforting me… like being the only beautiful silver strand holding me up to understanding life, and showing me the tiniest glimmer of hope that makes all the sorrow, fear, and confusion of life worthwhile.

Well, that’s it. Perhaps tomorrow I might post that little poem I was talking about, but for now, it’s bedtime… bye!
Lindsey @ 1:39AM

GRR! I just tried to put Greymatter on my page, but then I found out my server doesn’t support cgi’s. Guess I should have checked before I downloaded it, huh? Oh, well.
My site is going to completely revamp either tonight or tomorrow. I promise. I’ve made the layout, I’ve made the codes, all I need to do is wait for permission to use this picture. (See, I’m a good little girl. I hate copycats.) It’s very beautiful, and very simple, and I love it. Also, I’ll be making a layout and uploading Eric’s blog, he’s my first hostee!! Yay! And one of my good friends! Yay again! I’m happy. It’s been kind of lonely on this big ole site all by myself. But I have so much housework to do, so I better go. Bye!
Lindsey @ 2:36PM