Wow. Have you ever felt that you were standing on the edge of a precipice, about to take the final step over? But not something bad… something wonderful and exciting and scary, like a roller coaster. Like the last few seconds before the hill. You’re at the very top and you can see all around you. Everything is clear. You see the hill and you know how much fun it’s going to be, and still you dread it a little. And you know that once you go over, you won’t be able to see the whole picture anymore, you will be completely absorbed in the moment. So you take this chance you have to see everything you can from this calm, silent vantage point.
This is EXACTLY how I feel. Tomorrow I go down the hill. The point of no return. And just maybe I’m being a little dramatic, but maybe that’s just how I am. Maybe it wouldn’t be as fun if it were any less dramatic. Maybe he feels the same exact way. Maybe I don’t know what I’m doing, what I’m getting into. But just maybe I do.
I absolutely LOVE Nelly Furtado’s new album. LOVE. I have practically discarded the new Alanis album for it. I have barely touched the Alanis CD. I highly advise you to get it.
I know I haven’t written in a while, but I’ve just been so tired. And then when I do write it’s just enigmas. I’m sorry. Please accept this offering of Bailey’s Irish Cream and Kahlua. I’m not really sure why alcohol is suitable for this moment. Huh. Probably because I am really tired, and I haven’t been able to sleep much lately. Or eat. For the last two days I completely forget to eat, or even that food exists, until I start getting so hungry I can’t ignore it. Like I almost pass out. And then I get full really fast and I don’t eat again for another six hours. I had two small meals today. And I’m not hungry. Just…. keyed up.
What is the deal?
I took some pictures yesterday but I’m too tired to post them… Debbie and Mo and I went to Tulsa and ate at Mimi’s (sooo good, and the waitress was flirting with me… everybody seems to be flirting with me lately), bought some Japanese learning books at Barnes and Noble, and then watched The Terminal. Which was alright. I was just glad of the company, even though we didn’t get to go on the float trip. sigh I would really like to just go on ONE before I leave. And here Mosby’s leaving next week. I’ll just have to grab some other friends and go without him. Spoilsport. Pleh.
My mom informed me yesterday that on July 4th we would be having my brother’s birthday party and mine. And I believe on the 5th somebody is having a party… (Carrie? Mary? That rhymes?) and I was told it would be a slash birthday party for me too. So… I don’t have to do any bit of organizing. Karma is good.
Speaking of karma, I must have done something really good in a past life because… well, I can’t tell all the reasons but I have just been so lucky lately, so happy. I was wondering today about my happiness. If I am so happy here, why do I want to leave? But no… it just reinforces my decision because I realize the (main) reason I am so happy is because I know I’m leaving. It’s just that my heart hurts sometimes when I think about my mom, and my friends. If I was moving away permanently I don’t think I could bear it.
I MUST go to sleep now… Konbanwa minna-san.
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