On the way to work, it was wonderful, jamming to Moulin Rouge. My speakers are great. My car sounds a lot more expensive than it is. And the bass is pretty good, too. Anyway, here I am sitting in the box at work. It was a pretty nice morning, except I think I need a haircut… or I should do something with it.
Lindsey @ 11:46AM

Oh, my goooooooddddneess… It has been EXTREMELY busy. Very hectic, running around. I think I’m starting to get a stress headache. Or maybe it’s because I’m squinting. I dunno. Well, I wanted to come see Jurassic Park 3 tonight but it’s way too busy. I guess we could see Legally Blonde… No, I need to do housework, and besides I haven’t even watched Save the Last Dance, which I rented a long time ago.
Lindsey @ 3:00PM

Riding in the car on the way to Vicki’s to get my ear checked. She’ll probably want to give me a shot. She’s like that. No, she’s a good doctor. Ugh, didn’t get anything done today I wanted to. Must do laundry when I get back. Installing CD-player tonight!!
Lindsey @ 3:10PM

Back from Vicki’s. I did get a shot but it wasn’t bad. She telling me how she had to do checkups at a troublesome-girl place at Camp Gruber. I think it was her way of telling me she was proud of me.
Lindsey @ 4:51PM

I just had a great idea for a layout. A picture of a window (store-window or car, preferably car for the nice sheen) reflecting the setting sun. I’d call it “Reflections of a Forgotten Past” and talk about how we are all made up of our past, even if we try to forget it. I’m brilliant. Well, car CD-player is installed and working!! (Thanks to Randy) All the speakers miraculously worked. I even thanked God, out loud. I believe he wants me to have a little happiness, even if it’s something as mundane as my car speakers working.
Lindsey @ 8:34PM

Something weird is happening. I was sitting at computer and felt really strange: dizzy, hot temples, weak. I hope it’s not the Ultram, these pain pills Vicki gave me. Wow… seeing spots now. Better go.
Lindsey @ 1:11AM

I’m at work, 11.15 to 5, and already very bored. Theo didn’t show up, so that means I have to do double the work. Ugh. At least I brought my Game Boy! ^-^ Bought the Zelda game yesterday. And a car CD player. Yesterday afternoon was spent with Randy in front of my house taking the old one out. Tonight we’re going to clean my car out!!! *mock excitement*
Lindsey @ 12:15PM

Just now a very government-agent looking man who seems very nice, spilled popcorn and drink all over the hallway. Dang Theo. If he had been here, I wouldn’t have had to clean it up. Helpless when it comes to cleaning things properly, I grabbed two handfuls of the really thick paper towels and laid them neatly over the spot (after sweeping up all the popcorn and ice, of course) and gently stepped on them. A woman waiting for her little girl to come out of the bathroom must have thought I was crazy. Stepping on the now-brown paper towels, I felt like an incompetent child, and realized I will never have good domestic skills.
Lindsey @ 1:28PM

Am writing too much. I know. Can’t help it. I just saw the strangest thing. Two women came to the theater, each with a daughter. One woman was tall and dark-headed, the other was short and blonde. Their daughters looked JUST LIKE THEM!! Like little carbon-copies. It was like looking at a flashback.
Mmm… A skinny woman bought a Snickers and flung a craving on me.
Lindsey @ 2:25PM

Well, Theo’s absence is now explained. He has a relative close to death in San Antonio and his family is going to see him. Now I feel bad for danging him. Must remember to tell Dale he won’t be back until Sunday. I just went to Shawnee restaurant for Dale, and a man drinking coffee there had drawn a beautiful scene on a napkin, trees in a forest. I wish I could do things like that. But you know me: jack-of-all-trades, master of none. So sad. Well, this is getting ridiculous, writing every little thing of interest down. But it’s so nice to get my thoughts down on paper {or Internet in the blog’s case}. It’s also because Eric’s gone to church camp and I have no one to tell my mundane thoughts to. Geez, I’m such a wimp. What did I do before Eric? I can’t believe I held all these thoughts in. Now I know why Stephanie Bellah would fill notebooks. It’s very calming, to just write down my train of thought. Otherwise my thoughts just bounce around inside my head, causing chaos and stress. Now I’m like a stream, finally getting down to becoming more like my element. Peace is getting easier to achieve and it’s lovely. 🙂
Lindsey @ 3:08PM

At this rate, I’m going to fill up my diary by the end of the week. I better get some notebooks. I’m in the parking lot of Economy, waiting for Randy to get off work. There’s a long line in the drive-thru though, and the techs do all the work. Driving on the west side of Muskogee at 5PM is like being in all that slow-moving work traffic like in the movies. Very slow, very painful. And why do people feel that they have to jam themselves in as close as possible? I refuse, which causes a big gap in front of me, but half an inch behind me as if that person is trying to compensate for my lack of impatience. Really, I’m never in any kind of hurry to get anywhere, but if I don’t watch out I get that driving-induced rage which I think comes from deisel fumes in the hot sun.
Lindsey @ 5:17PM

I have a lot of things to say today, and I’m going to change moods very quickly. Brace yourself.
First of all, I’d like to put in what I wrote, mentioned in the previous blog. But before I do that, I’d like you to read the passage from Memoirs of a Geisha that inspired me to write it:

“I’d been looking only for a sign about the Chairman, and hadn’t noticed. From this experience I understood the danger of focusing only on what *isn’t* there. What if I came to the end of my life and realized that I’d spent every day watching for a man who would never come to me? What an unbearable sorrow it would be, to realize I’d never really tasted the things I’d eaten, or seen the places I’d been, because I’d thought of nothing but the Chairman even while my life was drifting away from me. And yet if I drew my thoughts back from him, what life would I have? I would be like a dancer who had practiced since childhood for a performance she would never give.”

And this is what I wrote, I called it “The Moth and The Butterfly”:

The moth spends its time looking for the light, reaching and yearning for it. But it’s short life is hopeless, for it will never find the light it’s seeking.
On the other hand, the butterfly, as a caterpillar, looks inside itself, and when adversity is over, finds that the most beautiful light of all is reflected in its glorious wings.

And here’s the little poem I wrote with it:

How the sands seem still
Passing through the light of day
Darkness brings the moon above
Shadows define the light.

It’s just a little bit. A little piece of me, trying to put my feelings into words. Now, on to the next mood: anger. Yes, I am mad. Steaming. And it doesn’t make it any better that my ear infection is STILL here, despite the many types of antibiotics being ingested into my body. I really can’t say exactly why I’m mad right now, but it leads to me wanting a different domain name, so I’ve been trying to think of one. The best I can think of is rinji because that’s what my Betha calls me, it means special, and it sounds like my name {Lindsey=Rinji}. Anyway, my other choice isn’t really a choice yet, it’s an inkling. I wanted something that sums up what I’ve been feeling lately, so I looked up fate and destiny, and the root word is ummei. So, thanks to Eric’s suggestion, I was thinking about combining that with another Japanese word?? I dunno. If you have any suggestions, please e-mail me. As if anybody reads this but me.
Alright, the next topic is my car situation. As you may or may not have read earlier {see above comment}, I test drove a Camaro. That, however, didn’t really work out seeing as I don’t have 7 thousand dollars. And my dad has been really nice lately. The most recent thing he did was give my car new tires, new brakes, and HE FILLED UP THE GAS TANK. This is the nicest thing he’s ever done for me. So I’m thinking about keeping my little Geo Crappo. Just clean it up a bit, and install a radio, and it will be good for at least until I graduate college {read: three years away}.
Okay, that’s about it… I’m all talked out… so if you are some person I don’t know extremely well {besides myself} and you’re actually reading this, I’m sorry I don’t have anymore to say. I’m actually feeling a bit down about myself, so if you do read this, e-mail me or something. I’d REALLY like it. Okey, bye.
Lindsey @ 12:07AM

Wow, has it really been that long? Time is flying by this week. Do you like the new layout? Anyway, I just went through something kind of nice, the kind of feeling you need when you start to feel like life is slipping out of your control. I typed it all out to my friend Eric on offline im’s, so here it is as I presented to him:

well, I have just finished reading Memoirs of a Geisha for the second time. and it is even more beautiful than I remember it.
in the book, Sayuri’s life is a defenite path, destined by fate up to the very end, and it wasn’t revealed to her until then.
my life has never really felt like i was on any kind of path, and that I was stumbling along blindly. But when the picture gets less complicated, I see a clear truth…. one that’s so personal I don’t know if i should tell even you, that makes me realize how connected everything is, and how things will eventually work out.
today at work I was reading a passage in the book that was so close to what I’ve been feeling lately, I had to stop reading, because it would have made me cry… but then I wrote something, and even a little poem to go with it, and I want to show them to you tomorrow.
life is so beautiful sometimes that I can’t even put it into a thought, a feeling, or an expression… and the human language being so feeble when trying to show emotions (or maybe just in my hands) I wouldn’t even be able to begin explaining it to you…
but it catches me so that I can’t even breathe, and can’t even cry. it’s like my heart stops beating in order to capture the moment, but it leaves anyway. but I can always feel it.
comforting me… like being the only beautiful silver strand holding me up to understanding life, and showing me the tiniest glimmer of hope that makes all the sorrow, fear, and confusion of life worthwhile.

Well, that’s it. Perhaps tomorrow I might post that little poem I was talking about, but for now, it’s bedtime… bye!
Lindsey @ 1:39AM

GRR! I just tried to put Greymatter on my page, but then I found out my server doesn’t support cgi’s. Guess I should have checked before I downloaded it, huh? Oh, well.
My site is going to completely revamp either tonight or tomorrow. I promise. I’ve made the layout, I’ve made the codes, all I need to do is wait for permission to use this picture. (See, I’m a good little girl. I hate copycats.) It’s very beautiful, and very simple, and I love it. Also, I’ll be making a layout and uploading Eric’s blog, he’s my first hostee!! Yay! And one of my good friends! Yay again! I’m happy. It’s been kind of lonely on this big ole site all by myself. But I have so much housework to do, so I better go. Bye!
Lindsey @ 2:36PM

Well, I have a raging ear infection… It SUCKS! I got them when I was little, then never got them at all after my tonsils were taken out. But last year I had several, and now I’ve got one again. The last time and this time the pain radiated to my lower jaw, and it hurts SOO BAD. I cannot describe to you the pain. I was crying for a very long time because of the horrendous pain. It still hurts now, but I started on antibiotics, and have all kinds of pain medication in me. My mom gave me some cough medicine with codeine in it, and I think it’s made me kind of loopy…
Very uneventful times. What’s good though is I don’t work the next couple of days. I’ll get time to recuperate. I guess I’ll talk about what kind of books and movies I like now. I recently saw Kiss of the Dragon. It was pretty good, although the plot could’ve used a little more… plottishness. But the martial arts were great! I wouldn’t pay money to see this movie, though. Ahh, the advantages of working at the movie theater. Now I don’t regret paying if I’ve seen a bad movie. Um, I read this wonderful book called “The Samurai’s Wife.” Extremely wonderful mystery with a samurai detective! Perfect for me! ^-^ Anyway the author is Laura Joh Rowland, and all her other books are about the same detective guy, Sano. So now I’m reading “Shinju.” Great books!! Very descriptive. That’s a problem I have with my writing… not descriptive enough. I also bought “Memoirs of a Geisha.” I’ve read it before but it wasn’t mine, and I want to read it again and again so I bought it. If you out there, have not read this book, please do. Make it one of those things on your list of things to do before you die. It’s amazing. And it opens up your mind to this whole other world, outside yours. Okay, that’s enough talking for now. Bye!
Lindsey @ 12:44AM

I am in so much pain…. I feel very detached from the world, as if my brain is fuzzy or something. I’ve just been looking at all these different sites today, just trying to keep my mind occupied so I won’t notice the pain. It also makes me really hate this layout here. I want to change it… but right now I’m devoting all my layout creativity to Eric’s blog, which *hopefully* will be up soon. Also, I want to change my front page to include my friend’s poem. GACK! I am so sick! I don’t want to go anywhere or do anything, I don’t want to move! And I need to fix my site instead of looking at everybody else’s. Oh, well. Bye for now.
Lindsey @ 2:08PM