Author: lindsey

Wow. Have you ever felt that you were standing on the edge of a precipice, about to take the final step over? But not something bad… something wonderful and exciting and scary, like a roller coaster. Like the last few seconds before the hill. You’re at the very top and you can see all around you. Everything is clear. You see the hill and you know how much fun it’s going to be, and still you dread it a little. And you know that once you go over, you won’t be able to see the whole picture anymore, you will be completely absorbed in the moment. So you take this chance you have to see everything you can from this calm, silent vantage point.

This is EXACTLY how I feel. Tomorrow I go down the hill. The point of no return. And just maybe I’m being a little dramatic, but maybe that’s just how I am. Maybe it wouldn’t be as fun if it were any less dramatic. Maybe he feels the same exact way. Maybe I don’t know what I’m doing, what I’m getting into. But just maybe I do.

I absolutely LOVE Nelly Furtado’s new album. LOVE. I have practically discarded the new Alanis album for it. I have barely touched the Alanis CD. I highly advise you to get it.

I know I haven’t written in a while, but I’ve just been so tired. And then when I do write it’s just enigmas. I’m sorry. Please accept this offering of Bailey’s Irish Cream and Kahlua. I’m not really sure why alcohol is suitable for this moment. Huh. Probably because I am really tired, and I haven’t been able to sleep much lately. Or eat. For the last two days I completely forget to eat, or even that food exists, until I start getting so hungry I can’t ignore it. Like I almost pass out. And then I get full really fast and I don’t eat again for another six hours. I had two small meals today. And I’m not hungry. Just…. keyed up.

What is the deal?

I took some pictures yesterday but I’m too tired to post them… Debbie and Mo and I went to Tulsa and ate at Mimi’s (sooo good, and the waitress was flirting with me… everybody seems to be flirting with me lately), bought some Japanese learning books at Barnes and Noble, and then watched The Terminal. Which was alright. I was just glad of the company, even though we didn’t get to go on the float trip. sigh I would really like to just go on ONE before I leave. And here Mosby’s leaving next week. I’ll just have to grab some other friends and go without him. Spoilsport. Pleh.

My mom informed me yesterday that on July 4th we would be having my brother’s birthday party and mine. And I believe on the 5th somebody is having a party… (Carrie? Mary? That rhymes?) and I was told it would be a slash birthday party for me too. So… I don’t have to do any bit of organizing. Karma is good.

Speaking of karma, I must have done something really good in a past life because… well, I can’t tell all the reasons but I have just been so lucky lately, so happy. I was wondering today about my happiness. If I am so happy here, why do I want to leave? But no… it just reinforces my decision because I realize the (main) reason I am so happy is because I know I’m leaving. It’s just that my heart hurts sometimes when I think about my mom, and my friends. If I was moving away permanently I don’t think I could bear it.

I MUST go to sleep now… Konbanwa minna-san.

. am. so. tired. Excessive use of periods: sign of exhaustion. I think.

My brother is so freaking cool. He uploaded a program to turn any DVD into computer files on my FTP server. He is just so dang nice.

Here are some fotoes…. haha…. i need sleep.

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Someday there will be a man that will love me completely and who wants to know everything about me and my entire history. And I think of that day with aching satifaction. That thought comforts me like no other when I’m tired. Like invisible arms holding me tightly.

I’m working on a Splashdown website! Yay! I have a problem though. While trying to compile the lyrics, I have come across a song that I can’t understand parts of, and can’t find anywhere else on the internet. It’s called Trophy Hunter, and if you have time I would really appreciate you downloading the song, writing out the lyrics and e-mailing them to me. Maybe with combined effort I can figure it out. Here’s the link to download. Thank you!

Splashdown – Trophy Hunter (Demo)

Post-Harry Potter 3: It was wonderful and it was terrible. I’ve already thought about/discussed this a lot, so I’m not really going to talk about it. What I am going to say is that I did like it as a movie and I thought it was a great supplement to the books. If you have not ever read the books, I would strongly advise not seeing Prisoner of Azkaban because it does for Harry Potter what the English T.V. dub did for Sailor Moon.

However, the shirts Crystal made were freaking awesome and because I was tired and had no time, I totally forgot my camera but here are some wrinkly morning after pictures. Click to enlarge.

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I had about 4 people ask where I had gotten my shirt, how was it made, etc. After the movie we went to Baskin-Robbins and then to a pool hall, which was really fun despite my need for sleep.

Okay, and I just found out that the His Dark Materials trilogy by Philip Pullman are going to be made into movies…. manic dancing That makes me really happy!!!

One thing about last night: I am never organizing anything again. I’m just gonna go with the flow. It was too hectic. And Eric, I have no idea what you were trying to say to me last night. But I’m glad you sounded happy, anyway.

And my dinner is ready so I’m off!!

My new job is… there are so many words I can put in here. Demanding, frustrating, stressful, exciting, boring, too early, violent. All those things. And satisfying, strangely. I think I like it. I am working a helluva lot though, because I’m staying on at Blockbuster too. I really need the money. So that means that I won’t really get to hang out with you all as much as I want to, because if the first two days is any indication, the only thing I want to do when I get home is sleep, eat, and maybe watch a movie or get on the internet, if a book isn’t captivating my mind too much.

Anyway, I’m really looking forward to Harry Potter. It will be a moment of pure happiness amidst my working woes. The t-shirts Crystal and I will wear are going to turn out absolutely wonderful, thanks to Crystal. She’s awesome with graphics! I’m getting pretty sleepy so I think I’m gonna get to bed. Who knows when I’ll feel like updating next?

Is the world going crazy?! Is Mercury in retrograde or something?! My computer is acting very very weird. First of all, the tagboard is weird colors. I looked at the code, and it hasn’t changed, I mean I wasn’t really expecting it to change by itself anyway, so there is absolutely no explanation for why it looks that way. Secondly, my Movable Type is acting up, giving me 404 pages on weird stuff at random, it’s never done that before. Then I tried to post a reply comment to somone on my page (an odd someone on an older entry) and that doesn’t work either. And just now I tried to send eric an e-mail and it said his hotmail address doesn’t exist! I know it does, I was replying to his message!! But I tried again and it worked. I don’t understand. I think I have somehow mistakenly entered the Bermuda Triangle. Without moving. Or sailing. Which would be moving. I am confused. I bet it won’t even let me post this entry. Ha.

I need to be sleeping, and yet I must work on this before I my brain cracks down the middle and I start foaming at the mouth and throwing peeled potatoes at my CPU.

As an afterthought, I just got a very nice job, so any qualms I had about not having enough moolah to go to Hawaii have been appropriately squished.

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Have you ever looked back on yourself and realized that although you were a moronic imbecile, you can definetely see that you are at least not that bad of a moronic imbecile at this point in time? Today I realized that I have this wonderful beautiful thing that is my personal thoughts and emotions recorded for the rest of time, this terrible and fantastic outlet that has been keeping me sane for the last four years. I love it. I LOVE it. If I could I would wrap my arms around it and hug it and jump up and down and squeal with joy. Well, I could do that to my moniter, but that just wouldn’t be the same.

I’m so glad I chose to do things the way I did. Even the really stupid shit. Because I can see now how if I had done it any other way, it wouldn’t have been me, and I wouldn’t be the same now. Let me make the point that I am in no way saying that I am perfect at this moment, or completely happy with myself, but right now I KNOW myself. And I have been searching for that a very long time. I just know, at this exact point in time, that everything always has and always will turn out exactly how it’s supposed to.

One reason for this is reading my old diaryland archives. Another is that the other day God pretty much did everything but come down to the physical plane and slap me around to let me know he’s there. Waiting. Watching. Listening. Guiding. And when God so obviously tells you something, you can’t help but do it and trust him the whole time.

Yay! New comments are up!! There’s still some problems, like when you post, it takes you to the archive page, but I’m working on it.

I’ve been doing a lot of reorganizing on my computer, which makes updating other parts of my site easier, so expect everything to actually get updated.

I feel like total crap so I’m going to bed. I love my site though. hugs it

Here are some pictures I took in Wagoner with my mom visiting some of her patients. The raccoon was really cool, but I had just eaten chicken and he tried to gnaw my hand off. The bottom photos are from Alesha’s birthday party Friday night. A fun time was had by all! We played Twister and ate some wonderful purple birthday cake, courtesy of Becky.

Last night I went with Crystal, her brother Tim, and their friend George to Studio 310. It was a crazy night. I’ll say that. And I’m glad I didn’t take any pictures because a) I looked like total crap because I was already tired when we set out and b) We were all acting like total dorks. Which is usually good picture conditions, but… nah.

I finished Harry Potter Book 5 today. I cried. I cried at the end of the 4th one too. And I think I may have cried at the end of all of them the first time I read them. I had only read the 5th once before though, when it came out, and I was surprised at how much I’d forgotten. Of course, it is 800+ pages, so… there’s a lot to forget. But the end is especially very emotional, and I can’t help it, even if I was trying not to cry I would find myself sobbing uncontrollably. J.K. Rowling doesn’t use a whole lot of descriptive emotions in the books but when she does… man. By the way, she recently opened up her official website, and it’s really interesting. It’s made to look like her desk, and there are several clues around the website you can find to see extra stuff. Go see it. I still can’t figure out how to open the door, though. Argh.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my own writing. Whenever I read something well written I get a kind of creative spurt. My dad, and several other sources including Rowling, say you should write every day to hone your skills, but this is harder than it sounds. I mean I could write a bajillion paragraphs on my thoughts and emotions in journals every day (but even then I get tired of it sometimes), but they mean actual stories. Most of the time my stories are just extensions of my own emotions, so there is a starting point… I guess I will try to start doing that.

Anyhoo, once again… don’t forget about Harry Potter June 4th, and don’t forget to sign up on the forum and post messages! And thanks to Eric, Tyler, Shayna, and AL for posting already! Oh yeah, and Debbie, I left you a comment on the last post. Ja ne!

I now have a forum. Just so you know.

Go to the forum.

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Okay, you guys know I’ve been Harry Potter obsessed lately…

Well, when I read the fourth book (Goblet of Fire) for the first time I immediately wanted to play the character of Fleur Delacour in the movie. She’s a witch from the french school Beaxbatons that has long silvery blonde hair, very pretty, and has a strong French accent.

I figured I probably wouldn’t get the part… I’m not that pretty, but I do have white-blondish hair and I can speak really well with almost any accent. And usually for the smaller parts in Harry Potter they have open casting calls. I found the casting call for Fleur, and I got really excited because it said any girl with blonde hair, looks 16 or 17, and then it said…

You must be from England.

That really sucks… I mean I knew I wasn’t going to get the part, but it would have been really freaking cool to say I auditioned for a Harry Potter movie. And who knows? They probably would have made me an extra, at least.

sigh Guess my movie break will have to come some other day.

Okay, so Amber decided not to come because Hellboy is out of the theater, so Crystal and I went to Mean Girls, which we both really wanted to see. Sadly. It was really funny though… it really did remind me of Heathers, except without Christian Slater trying to kill everyone. There was almost killing though… TWICE.

After the movie, Crystal and I talked and talked and went to B & J’s and talked and talked and talked. It was crazy. We must have been just talking for about 4 hours. It’s like one of those conversations where you really should leave, because you are in a parking lot at 2:30 in the morning, and your bladder is about to explode, and you just can’t… because you’ve just thought of something really cool to say in response to something really cool the other person just said. So fun.

Also yesterday, I decided I would call Randy and tell him why… well, it was kind of a nostalgic talk. He was talking about Jeremy too, and I realized two things: my self-esteem must be worse than I thought, and I never want to stop being friends with Jeremy and Randy. Ever. The self-esteem thing, well… I can’t even say why. It’s so ridiculous. Randy and Jeremy have this ridiculous notion. I’ve just chalked it up to them both being so dramatic and listening to Billy Joel too much. They are the best friends I’ve ever had though. little tear I miss them.

Anyhoo, here are some pictures I didn’t get a chance to put up the other day. They are when Tyler, Alesha and I went to Tulsa the day before he left for his internship, so… last Thursday.