Have I ever expressed my love of Hooverphonic to you? Well, I love them. Completely. They remind me of Tricky, but I don’t love Tricky quite the same. Sometimes I think the only reason I like Tricky is because he’s the mixed British guy in the Fifth Element.
Halo for PC is sitting right here beside me, and I haven’t put it in the computer. Why you ask? Well, I think it’s two reasons. One, I was going to clear some hard drive space for it so I started listening to all my music to see which I could delete, and I sort of got sidetracked in the music. Two, I’m a little afraid. What if it doesn’t measure up? What if I don’t like it because I’ve been kinda tired of Halo lately? What if my computer doesn’t run it right, or I want to play online and my crappy connection won’t let me do it? So many fears, only one way to find out.
This is very much the way I think. Something that seems to be perfectly fine, I will find things about it to be scared of. I worry from habit, even if everything seems okay. Because I’m always afraid that something’s lurking around the corner, waiting to screw things up. I think that sort of invites it though. Especially in love. You think things are going to screw up, so you pick someone to be with where things will go wrong. A self-fulfilled prophecy. But sometimes (thank god… or maybe it’s my higher self-esteem) you pick someone, almost automatically, without thinking about it or realizing it, that is absolutely right for you. Or seemingly anyway.
What am I saying? I don’t really know. It’s late, I’m tired, and I have access to make a fool of myself. I will say this. I really like Tony. I really don’t know what I was thinking with Matt. LOL… I found a great song that pertains to Matt. My Bad:
“I heard you be stressing, I hope that you really learned a lesson and realized that I was a blessing. You took my kindness for weakness and look at you now.”
“If I had stuck to my original plan, you’d a been a one night stand, my bad. I should have known you could never be true, I should have treated you like them other guys(girls) do.”
Hehehehe. Especially the one night stand part is true.
Anyway, after Matt, Tony is like a breath of fresh air. I forgot guys could be kind, and sensitive, and respectful, and supportive. I really had forgotten. So it’s a little… strange. I’m still kind of afraid of relationships, a little wary, but I’m willing to try. But very slowly. Still gonna worry though.
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